just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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