Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
