you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
