I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize