Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
