i need an iv and a liver transplant
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
