I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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