Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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