dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
