Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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