how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
