Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
