he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
