You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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