cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You were trust falling into bushes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
