oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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