i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
