i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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