Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
