The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
