isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
