there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
