He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
