I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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