Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
