I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
