i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
