I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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