everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
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Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
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I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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