she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
