i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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