i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
