I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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