My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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