I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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