You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
