Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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