okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
