you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
