So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize