I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
