Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
