there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
birth control should be required to get into college
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
