guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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