i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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