the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
