ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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