She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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