So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
