I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
