Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
