idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize