oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
COCAINE IS GR8
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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