I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
