FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
