Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
