I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
last night I used snow as a chaser
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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