Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
