Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
