No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
