Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
