all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
