Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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