So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
3pm strippers are depressing
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
