She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
