Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
