I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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